The Graveyard - 1/1/05
 By, Cactus Chris

           My name is Cactus Chris, thank you for coming. Please allow me to guide you through a list of our fallen heros.

Name: Eddie Guerrero
Cause Of Death: Steroids, Drugs, Pain Killers, and all that good stuff
His Story: As proof that God is finally starting to get the way I think, Eddie Guerrero collapsed into death in late 2005 suffering from the after effects of taking lots of drugs and other good stuff. Guerrero won a few titles here and there, but none of them are important enough to remember. He'll be remembered mostly for learning how to read from Chyna and breaking his arm upon his arrival to the WWE.
Name: The Big Bossman
Cause Of Death: Being Fat
His Story: What a concept for this fat fuck! Take an out-of-work prison guard, and make them look like an out-of-work New York City Cop! I must say, Vince really is the genious everyone has him out to be. Bossman worked during that era of WWF that Russo hates more than anything, working with guys like "Nailz" the escaped convict. He was brought back years later as once of Vince's henchmen, and actually went for the WWF Heavyweight title against the Big Show (Yea, Big Show was champion once). After he ate Al Snow's dog, no one ever saw him again until, for the first time, Bossman kicked of an episode of Raw... letting everyone know that he was dead. He died from Cardiac Arrest! Get it?! ARREST?! HAH!
Name: The British Bulldog
Cause Of Death: Steroids
 His Story: You know the company you work for is running out of ideas when they have to combine the name of your country and a breed of animal just to give you some hope of getting over. Bulldog won a title in his own home country, but that's because it's the only place he was even slightly over, and he had to beat his brother in law who liked him a lot and wanted to do him a favor... he even lost the damn belt two months later. British Bulldog will be remembered for selling the shittiest (literally) rock bottom ever, and sweating a lot on gray sweat shirts.
Name: Owen Hart
Cause Of Death: Getting High... and then falling
His Story: He should change his name to Owen Hard, because thats the only way to explain his death. Actually, if I could, I'd change it to "Owen WHAM SNAP CRACK" but that doesn't sound good, and McMahon would never approve it. Vince Russo says Owens fall, although his idea, wasn't his fault because Stone Cold said so... no... seriously... I'm not kidding. Owen wasn't known for much in the ring other than being Bret Hart's brother. He had a match at WrestleMania 10, won a few tag titles, became the King Of the Ring, and still no one cared about him. He accomplished everything his brother did, and still didn't get too far. Its obviously because he sucked. His most important matches with his brother. Ever notice whenever Bret Hart beat one of his family members in a match it was like sentencing them to death?
Name: Crash Holly
 Cause Of Death: Suicide
 His Story: Crash Holly, of WWE Fame, for lack of a better word, died November 6th 2003. He was the WWE Hardcore champ on 435,634 occasions, and was found dead at Steven Richards house. Rumor had it Crash choked on his own puke. It was recently discovered that Crash, in his own stroke of brilliance, committed suicide by taking a bunch of pills and alcohol. He was apparently going through a divorce with his wife, and just couldn't handle it. Handle what? Child Support? What's 17% of nothing?...
Name: Road Warrior Hawk
 Cause Of Death: Probably A Heart Attack
 His Story: Hawk was one half of the Road Warriors, a pretty damn famous tag team who obtained a ton of tag titles throughout their career. He'll surely be remembered for his accomplishments in the wrestling world such as falling off the Titan Tron, screwing up a return match on Raw, and most important of all: Dying.
Name: Stu "Deadman" Hart
 Cause Of Death: Living to be 200 years old
 His Story: We all know who this man is, we also do know that the entire wrestling community kisses his ass because he pumped out a few "good" wrestlers. A few years after his birthday became a fire hazard Stu Hart passed away from natural causes, and the ENTIRE wrestling community (except for me) mourned the loss of a legend. 12 year olds everywhere began to cry, Benoit marks bowed their heads, and I turn into an asshole for thinking this man should of died years ago. 

Name: Curt Henning, AKA Mr. Perfect
 Cause Of Death: Drugs! Shocked?!
 His Story:  Curt Henning became known as Mr. Perfect in the glory days of the WWF "putting opponents away" with the one finisher no one ever kicked out of: The Perfect Plex. It wasn't just a fisherman suplex, no, the fact that Mr. Perfect did it makes it an entirely different move. Mr. Perfect eventually did what all 40 year old WWF talent did back then, sign to WCW where he became known for hits such as "Rap Is Crap". Not too soon after, Curt came "Home", was fired, then died. He is sorely missed in the locker room, and the music world, with chart topping hits left in his memory:
 "This one goes out to my close friend and buddy, Curt Henning. AKA Mr. Perfect. Just wanted to let you know that you're missed but you'll never be forgotten. You've always been an incredible friend, and we just wanted to let you know that we got your back... buddy system style" - The Macho Man
Name: "Classie" Freddie Blassie
Cause Of Death: Living to be 210 years old
 His Story: THIS is a man who will be remembered as having the last words of "D-Von!!! Get the tables!". Freddie was well known for his work as a heel, Andy Kaufman, and of course Hulk Hogan. Too bad he reached the height of his popularity on WWE TV 3 weeks before he died. His wife auctioned all of his stuff off on EBay. THAT BITCH!
Name: Miss Elizabeth
 Cause Of Death: Lex Luger
 His Story: Not too many really gave a shit about her before she died, I know I didn't. She became famous in the WWF as "Miss Elizabeth" and worked with the Macho Man for a while. The two were married in real life, and as most of the U.S. does, divorced not too long after. Later on she, after she left WCW, she started fucking Lex Luger, became an alcoholic, and a drug addict. She eventually had the life choked out of her. Starting to notice a vicious cycle with some of these deaths? Me either. Some people actually forget she's dead.

Now I know there are some wrestlers missing, so if you would like to have some wrestlers added to this list, write up their name, cause of death, and Their story, and Email it to me: Cactus@TooManyChairShots.com

To My Greatest
Fan
 --Cactus Chris